If you have recently lost a loved one, you may be juggling several tasks, such as putting the affairs in order, planning the funeral or memorial, and dealing with your own grief. At the same time, you may be struggling to write a death announcement on multiple social media platforms. This is an especially challenging time, and stress is practically unavoidable, which is why you should be careful when making decisions. Take steps like prioritizing what needs to be addressed first, and to do your best to look forward instead of backward.
 
Consider the following step-by-step guide from grief counselor Erica S. Kim when deciding how to best memorialize your loved one online.
 
1. Notify Family and Close Friends In-Person or Privately
 
Make your best effort to notify family and friends of your mutual loved one’s passing on the phone or face to face. If this is too difficult at this time, ask another person for help calling and spreading the sad news, and let traditional bereavement etiquette be your guide when responding to those who have reached out to you. It is important to establish trust in your conversations. Because these conversations can be difficult for all parties involved, clarity of communication is a necessity.
 
2. Ask for Help Writing Your Posts
 
If you don’t consider yourself a writer—or you don’t feel that you can adequately honor your loved one who has passed in a post—ask for help. You may be able to outline what you want to include in the obituary and work with someone else to create an appropriate and respectful post that conveys your love and intention without having to write it yourself. If there isn’t a writer in the family, use this resource from Cake to aid in writing the announcement and choosing appropriate wording.
 
3. Avoid Blunt or Triggering Language
 
According to Mental Health America, grief is a complex and stressful emotional condition expressed in a number of ways. Your pain may be raw and at the forefront of your mind, and you might be tempted to write a death announcement that reflects that pain. While this is up to you, consider that certain friends and distant family members may discover your loved one’s passing through social media. Smilebox suggests writing an announcement that includes non-triggering wording, such as “it is with great sadness that I announce” at the beginning to decrease the unintentional shock value of the post.
 
4. Turn Your Deceased Loved Ones’ Social Media Accounts Into Memorials
 
Many social media platforms give you the option of deleting your deceased loved ones’ accounts when they pass. You may also wish to memorialize the page so that others can leave comments and well-wishes to the family. If he or she had family and friends who lived far away or cannot make it to the funeral service, memorializing social media or setting up an obituary page specifically for this purpose would be appropriate. You can also update social media with pictures from the grave site when it is decorated for holidays or important days of memorial.
 
5. Tend to Your Loved One's Assets
 
Consider whether your loved one's belongings will be distributed to family members, sold, or donated. Get in touch with professionals if you wish to hold an estate sale or put a house on the market. Employ a real estate agent who has experience selling the homes of the deceased in a thoughtful, caring manner. Ask your agent how to tactfully advertise the sale on your social media accounts.
 
Notifying others of your loved one’s passing can be difficult when you, too, are struggling to process the news. Be kind to yourself during this transition and consider delaying any non-essential account creation or posting until you have had time to grieve in your own way. It’s also a good idea to consult with a professional grief counselor like Erica S. Kim to process the challenges you’re facing. 
 
Certified grief counselor Erica S. Kim’s passion is to help those in need, including the poor in Cambodia. She also volunteers to help out at a school in Cambodia every year. Reach out to find out more! (303)710-9002.
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When people close to you are terminally ill, you become a key part of their last moments in life. You may be pre-grieving the loss you know is coming and the loss of who they were, and at the same time, you continue to care for them and preserve the last moments you have together. It is possible, and even healing, to embrace this grief while also honoring their life and memory in their last days. Here, Erica S. Kim offers guidance to help you along in this difficult time. 
 
Accept Your Feelings of Anticipatory Grief
 
The first thing to realize is that grieving for terminally ill loved ones before they pass, often called pre-grieving or anticipatory grief, is completely normal. Part of this grief is anticipating that they will be gone soon, but it’s also about the losses already experienced through their illness. You have watched them suffer and lose their health, and possibly also lose their memory and mental understanding. Give yourself grace by understanding that this mix of emotions, and the feeling of not knowing what to do, is entirely normal.
 
Some people may think these feelings mean you’re letting go, but in reality, embracing the process of pre-grieving can help you and your loved one both make the most of his or her last days and lead to a closer connection between you. Allowing yourself to feel this grief, rather than hoping for recovery, allows you to both choose how you want to spend the time you have together and make it as meaningful as possible. 
 
Have Difficult Conversations
 
Making the time you have meaningful includes talking about necessary yet difficult topics, including living arrangements, who your loved one would like to connect with in their waning years, and the location of importantdocuments. Some documents may not exist, such as a will, so now’s the time to get such items in order. Though far from easy, such conversations can be freeing for everyone. 
 
Contribute to a Peaceful Environment
 
The process of transitioning your loved one from hospital care and treatment to palliative in-home care is often part of the experience of anticipatory grief. Bringing home a terminally ill loved one can be an emotionally charged time in both the caregiver’s life and the final days of the patient. It’s possible to offset this by contributing to the home’s peaceful environment. One way you can do this is by using familiar comfort items like blankets, and storing medical equipment away whenever possible to make it truly feel like home, rather than a hospital.  
 
Honor Your Loved One’s Life Now and Their Memory for a Lifetime
 
It’s perfectly OK, and can even be uplifting and healing, to start honoring your loved one’s life now. Gather pictures and other items of meaning so that the whole family can remember moments of joy you have had together. During this time and after your loved one passes, CNN suggests actively choosing to preserve these memories, which is a part of the healing process of grief and can even bring joy back into your life. 
 
Being a caregiver can be a trying time, so take the recommendation from What’s Your Grief? to find a creative outletlike journaling, art or photography. When you focus on something creative, it helps you explore your own feelings of grief, and it can be a way of honoring your loved one’s life at the same time. You can also continue to display your artwork after your loved one passes so it remains a part of your ongoing process of grieving and remembering. Houzz has some unique ideas for embracing those memories throughout your home, such as creating a spot to display their favorite books that you can go to whenever you want that connection.
 
Preserving these memories while your loved one is still with you as well as after he or she is gone can actually help bridge that emotional divide at a time that can be hard for you both. Grief isn’t a one-time experience. It’s a process, and when someone you love is terminally ill, embracing the anticipatory part of the grief process can give you both some peace. 
 
Photo credit: Unsplash
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Please watch my update for "Life in Quarantine".

https://vimeo.com/denverchurchofchrist/review/416395393/d9d79a9422

Life has changed so much in a just a few weeks. In Denver, we have been in quarantine (Shelter in place) since March 25th. Even though we have never experienced a virus like this before, the world has been at war with each other in the past. Thankfully, these times have been a united war against a disease and not against one another.
​Please watch my video. Just click on the link above.

​Loss is a part of life. During my younger years, I experienced the loss of my mother, then my only sibling and brother, Hiroshi. This past year and half, I lost my second mother, Gloria, three dear friends and my two dogs.

It is not easy saying good-bye no matter how many times we face the death of someone close to us. The sadness can become extremely heightened during the holiday season. We know that we are supposed to be happy and grateful, but the memories come rushing back. 

For me, I can often isolate myself in my grief. I have learned through all of this that my friends and family are a gift. Every minute is a precious gift. I pray that if you have experienced grief this past year or so, you can find strength through the loved ones who are still with you. I think it's ok to be sad, if you miss those special people. Just know that you are not alone.

     ​Earlier this year, I wrote a blog about my grandchildren being born and how amazing that experience had been.  Since then, it has been over 7 months, and I have to say that it keeps getting better and better.  I enjoy and love every minute with these amazing grandchildren.  They bring out the best in me and help me to want to be my best.  No one ever told me just how incredible having grandchildren was going to be.  
    In the photo above, I am with my three daughters, Miyoko (29), Manami (27) and Mimi (18) and my two grandchildren (Emi and Lincoln).  I have loved watching my daughters and their husbands raise their children.  Of course, I love being a mother, but being a grandmother is something so special and wonderful in unexpected ways.  I get to have a “do-over” and experience motherhood in a different and fun way. I get to change diapers, bathe, feed and play with these babies while having a special connection with them which is different from being their mother.  What a joy and blessing!  I’m so glad that no one ever told me how fantastic this was going to be, because I have been completely surprised and continue to be surprised by this new chapter in my life.  I am so grateful to God…  

The top photo represents the skyline I remember seeing everyday growing up in New York City.  I recall walking one day to kindergarten with my mother and asking her what the two tall buildings being built were going to be. She told me that they was going to become some of the tallest buildings in the world.  
Close to three decades later in my mid 30's, I remember the events of September 11, 2001 like it was yesterday.  I was flying on a plane with my husband to New York City from Tokyo, Japan.  Our plane made an "emergency" landing in Canada with no explanation.  They did not tell us anything until everyone was out of the plane.  In the holding area where we were asked to wait, we watched with horror as both World Trade Center buildings collapsed in a cloud of smoke.  
During the following two weeks, our airline could not book us any flights into the United States from Canada, so my husband and I walked across the border into the US, since we were both American citizens.  What followed from our walk across the border was a long three weeks being stuck in the United States while my three children remained in Japan impatiently waiting for us.  However, during those three weeks,  I never felt prouder to be an American.  Everywhere I went, people stood and gave those who died a moment of silence. People helped one another and consoled one another.  America came together in a way that I had not ever seen... Now, living in the States again, I am reminded of what a great country I am a part of.  
My heart goes out to those who have lost someone on that day.  May their memories sustain you...

It's been over  a month since Lincoln Taka Williams came into the world!  He was born on March 13, 2016 weighing 7 lbs 1 oz.  I was blessed to be able to be with him for the first three weeks of his life as well as at his birth.  Miyoko, my oldest daughter, did really well during the labor as did her husband, Jason.  It is amazing to see the births of two grandchildren within 3 weeks of each other!  Little Lincoln Taka is such an active boy with a gentle personality.  He rolled over from his tummy to his back at two weeks!  He is all boy.  I cannot wait to have the Williams move to Denver this summer from LA.  It will be so good to have family nearby.  I am blessed!

If you have ever become a grandparent, you will understand when I say that there is no feeling like it!  Being able to watch your own child give birth to a child, was surreal and amazing!  I was in the delivery room during the whole labor and was able to witness my daughter, Manami, be a courageous and strong mother-to-be.  The longest labor that I had to ever endure was 8 hours from beginning to end.  My daughter persevered through over 31 hours of continual contractions!  She was heroic!  Then, when baby Emi cried out for the first time as she entered the world, I had tears of absolute joy.  It is truly a miracle to see the birth of a new life!  I am still in awe...